• Debbie Howell

Who the Boundary Really Deals With

“Remember that a boundary always deals with yourself, not the other person… Do not confuse boundaries with a new way to control a spouse.” (Boundaries p. 165)

This quote is key to evaluating our motives as to why we are trying to set healthy boundaries. The author goes on to say that setting boundaries is a way of giving up control and learning to love. In doing that we are allowing the other person to be responsible for their own behavior.

Any time we are driven to change another person or control their behavior we are not living by God’s laws of healthy boundaries. As I have begun to incorporate in my own life what I’m learning from the book “Boundaries”, I’ve been amazed at how quickly my relationships have changed from ones of frustration and stagnation to ones of freedom and growth. This happens when we stop trying to change others and instead look at our own choices and responsibilities. We cannot be responsible for other people’s behavior, but we can certainly own up to our own. Allowing God to orchestrate what we will and will not allow in our lives is giving Him full reign to lead us into relationships that honor Him and bless us.

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