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  • Debbie Howell

The Problem with Reacting

“When you react to something that someone says or does, you may have a problem with boundaries.  If someone is able to cause havoc by doing or saying something, she is in control of you at that point, and your boundaries are lost.  When you  respond, you remain in control, with options and choices.”  (Boundaries p. 141)


I find this process of comparing “reacting” with “responding” very interesting.  For some reason we convince ourselves that our uncontrolled emotions such as anger or unforgiveness puts us in control, but it’s actually the complete opposite of that.  As long as we are driven by those types of emotions we will never win.


Whenever we are in a relationship that makes us feel out of control, we need to stop and prayerfully consider if we are reacting or responding to the other person in our relationship.  If we discover that we are in the unhealthy cycle of reacting then we need to set our time and attention toward creating healthy boundaries in that relationship.

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