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  • Debbie Howell

On Boundaries & Confrontation

“People with boundary problems usually have distorted attitudes about responsibility.  They feel that to hold people responsible for their feelings, choices, and behaviors is mean.  However, Proverbs repeatedly says that setting limits and accepting responsibility will save lives.  (Proverbs 13:18,24)”


As I read this quote from “Boundaries” this morning, I realized how much I need to grow in this area.  My biggest struggle in creating healthy boundaries is that I hate confrontation.  I would much rather avoid problems than face them head on.  I do my best to not get pulled into unnecessary drama and confronting someone who doesn’t want to be confronted causes me great stress.


The truth of the matter is that you can’t go through life without finding yourself face to face with issues and challenges.  As I look back over my life at the times that I’ve set out to serve in different ministries, I realize that God kept opening doors for me to be the leader of those ministries.  Even though I stepped forward to lead out of obedience to God, there was not one part of me that wanted to do it.  I love being a “part” of an anointed, powerful ministry, but if I have to lead that same ministry it takes all of the fun out of it for me.  Now I have to step out of my comfort zone and be responsible to make sure that everyone else does their jobs and address issues that come up.  I know now that God put me where I needed to be so that I could learn to “confront” in a healthy way.


What I’m learning now is that if you try to confront others without having healthy boundaries in place it will serve no greater purpose than to get into a battle that cannot be resolved.  You will go around in circles and probably damage the relationship in the process.


On page 47 of Boundaries the authors write, “We must grow in knowledge and expand our minds.  One area in which we need to grow is the knowledge of God and his Word.”

So let’s keep growing…


Oh, how I love Your law!  I fix my mind on it all day long.  (Psalm 119:97)

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