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  • Debbie Howell

Learn to be Proactive

“…proactive people do not demand rights, they live them,.  Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express.  The ultimate expression of power is love”  (Boundaries, p. 98)


I am learning that setting boundaries requires looking at the ways we’ve been “reactive” and learn instead to be “proactive”.  People who don’t have boundaries in place respond out of emotion when someone does things that hurt them.  Out of fear and anger they  begin the unhealthy cycle of reacting and that does nothing more than fuel the fire.


The better way to handle someone who lives a life of addiction or unhealthy behavior is to be proactive by setting up the boundaries needed in that relationship.  By educating ourselves and having a good support system in place we don’t have to default to our “emotional state” when other people’s actions affect our lives.  We can simply remind the person of the consequences they must face when they cross the boundary lines we have set in place around our own lives.  If we consistently  do this in love (and make sure to follow through with the consequences) then we can be confident in our decision and let God confront the person who needs to change.


God not only calls us to love others, He calls us to love ourselves.  Self-care is biblical and important for each one of us.


The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy… Love others as well as you love yourself. There is no other commandment that ranks with these.  (Mark 12:30-31, The Message)

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