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  • Debbie Howell

Feeling Awkward? - Jasmine's Journey of Healing

If you ever asked me how my daughter's illness has grown me I would say that it has caused me to dig my heels in and go deeper in my walk with God, deeper in my prayer life. A lot of people doubt God's existence because if He's such a loving God why do people suffer? There have been many times when I've challenged God with that very question.

It is gut-wrenching and heart-breaking to see your child suffer chronically.


I believe that God is answering my question the way He wants to answer all our questions - as I sit with His Word open and my ears ready to listen to the Holy Spirit.


This can feel a bit awkward as we step into deeper waters spiritually, especially if those around us aren't doing the same thing. It can also feel daunting as we learn and fumble our way through to our next revelation. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. If we are genuinely seeking Him and stay in a place of obedience before Him, He is honored.


Recently I was reminded of what this growth journey looks like. My younger daughter sang in an girl's quartet for a few years with her friends. Yesterday she and one of the other girls from the group were looking at videos of some of their first performances. They were laughing at themselves as they saw how awkward they looked and how bad their blend was. The truth is the only reason they thought that was because of how much they grew and changed as they continued singing together.


Learning to pray in new ways as we study the Bible can feel awkward sometimes, but just like with anything else, we have to start where we are and ask the Holy Spirit to teach us and grow us.


I am continuing to read books and watch YouTube videos by Robert Henderson on praying in the courts of heaven. He is challenging and inspiring me to continue to believe in the power of prayer and to daily bring my daughter before the God Who sees her and has promised her a future and a hope.

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