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  • Debbie Howell

Change vs Influence

“You cannot change others… What you can do is influence others… you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on you.  Change your way of dealing with them; they may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.” (Boundaries, p. 91)


The author goes on to talk about how some people don’t take that step because they are afraid that the other person will react in anger or rejection.


Step back for a moment and prayerfully look at what the unhealthy relationship you are in (whether with your family member, coworker, or friend) really looks like.  If your relationship is already fueled by fear and uncertainty then to take this step of setting boundaries isn’t really going to make the situation any more uncomfortable for you.


God is calling us to take this step, but He knows how hard it is so He promises to be with us and guide us through His Word.  We can also ask Him to lead us to a strong, God fearing mentor who can give us that little extra push when we need it and to make sure that we are safe in the process if the other person may react in a rage.


I want to share with you two of my favorite verses in Proverbs.  This is an amazing promise for each one of us.

Place your trust in the Eternal; rely on Him completely; never depend upon your own ideas and inventions.  Give Him the credit for everything you accomplish, and He will smooth out and straighten the road that lies ahead.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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